She
now realized why her mother always insisted her on going somewhere far from
home. She could vividly remember her saying, “Actually, I feel so much relieved
and happy to have you around with me, but you will find peace elsewhere than here”.
Though reluctant at first, she relented eventually. Her heart murmured, “Better
be slavery at others' door than being in a hell like this”. But what about her
mother who has to be in the hell her entire life? She deeply empathizes and
sympathizes with her and she reassured herself that she is going to change
everything sooner.
For
the first time in ages, Namgangmo felt a little bit of the heaviness drifting from
her head and her tired eyes brightened. It was a new lease of life to her with
her relatives. She would babysit, clean the house, wash clothes; and in the due
course of time, she learnt how to cook meals. She could give some rest to her
ears. She was careful not to let them to find any lapse in her doings.
In
addition, they would bear her educational expenses. On the contrary, her
grandmother would pile stakes of money in a box and lock it up. She would
collect the money given to her by her sons and the tourist guests they often
bring home; from the sale of her locally brewed wine, ‘Ara’; and of course from
the sale of butter and cheese; and she would subsequently add it to the already
existing pile to make it a bigger one or to make another one.
Forget
about spending a single penny on the girl who sacrificed her holidays herding
cattle, she would be deprived of the very right to eat the butter and cheese.
It was even more pathetic to see that her mother had to purchase butter and
cheese from others while her grandmother sold the same. It was astounding as to
how a mother could be so cruel to her daughter and granddaughter but it was a
fact.
Her
mother gave birth to the second girl when Namgangmo was two years old and she
was the one to run to the kitchen to fetch the cutter to have the umbilical
cord cut. It was shameless of the father who worked as a manager at a nearby
farm, who had her sister traded for worth of a pack of rice and a tin of oil
and disappeared. Only her mother was left to face the cruelty and the reality
of life.
Since
then, the number of slaves at the mercy of grandmother’s door increased from
one to two. Slaves get paid in cash for their service but they got paid with cartloads
of brutality and humiliation.
Her grandmother hated the two sisters being together. “These two bastards would
sit together always; can’t you be without each other?” They would exchange a
glance of dismay, hated being called so. “Always sticking together, talking
unnecessary things, eating like a pig but what is the output?” Their eyes would
be welled with tears and they would avert their heads from the monster in
front, blinking.
“You…coal-hearted
girls, from where do you think all that you push down your mouth come from?
Have you ever seen them falling from the sky? Did you know that your fathers
didn’t feed you even a single bowl of rice? You are eating from my hand,
staying at my house, what did you have from your useless fathers?”
A
slightest act of rebel would put her grandmother in the deepest mood of
anguish. Once she lost her control and said abruptly, “You bitch drove my
father away”.
“What did this bastard utter from her mouth? Are you trying to spit on the face
that fed you? I can’t tolerate such things at all. Get out of my house right
now! Go and live with your father”, saying this, she dragged her out of the
house. She could have fled to somewhere far but it was already dark. On this
account, she took shelter in the cattle shed. As she laid there on the dry pine
leaves scratching one of the calves on her neck, she murmured her pain, “I am
nothing different from you. You are even luckier as my grandmother loves you
more than me”.
A
third man came along her mother’s life and yet added another member to the pool
of tragedy. No sooner was he driven back. Her poor mother didn’t have any say
in all those acts. People took advantage of her innocence, kindness and
submissiveness. It was only when the last child and the only boy brought back
their father several years later that her mother found some relieve and solace
to her mind.
But
the chaos in the house didn’t come to a cease. Her grandmother’s daily
humiliation and orders from dawn till dusk had led to nothing more than an
argument and soon they became the worst enemy. Indeed, she was an implacable
enemy. Her grandmother’s implacability rather astounded and unnerved her. She
would rarely be at home but even for a short while when she did stay, she was
sick of the emotional turbulence in the family. She would wonder how her mother
is bearing all those.
One
thing that makes her emotional and upset as well was the frequency of the forms
that she had to fill up in schools, which always had father’s name and
occupation. She had seen none with mother’s till now. That made her to approach
her teacher one day and enquire, “Sir, can I write mother’s name in place of
fathers?” When the response was not what she expected, she raised her voice,
“Sir, but that’s insane to write one when I don’t have and don’t belong to
him”. “Whatever, write his name”, and the teacher would zip her mouth.
But
all those miserable scenes had not discouraged Namgangmo. Instead, she drew
courage and strength from it. She felt the need to study hard, the need to be
someone great enough to change the situation and the need to take her mother
out of the whirlpool of turmoil. She realized the potentiality to do so only if
she excelled in her studies. That was the only motivation behind her hard work.
Accordingly,
she came to the proper notice of the teachers when she was selected to go to
Japan on a month long cultural exchange program. It was when she was in the
fifth standard that she was selected through an interview. The following winter
vacation, she got a call from the VAST, the Voluntary Artist Studio Thimphu, to
attend a week long art workshop and to collect the prize for the painting that
she has sent earlier.
Apart
from her studies, she took an active part in extra-curricular activities. Not
only does it ease her painful memories but every activity taught her something
new. She was always ready to learn though not always liked being told. Singing
and dancing was one of her passion but she limits this to only her national and
traditional ones.
Besides,
she played games and sports. Though not good at it, she acknowledged it as it
soothed her physically as well as mentally. Often, she would be on the stage,
delivering an extempore speech, Elocution, inter-regional quiz or
inter-dzongkhag debate competition, etc. She never regretted for being a part
of everything. Consequently, she was given due recognition and she was awarded
the Best Female Student twice which added further motivation to her act of
will.
The
little pocket money that she brought from home would she wrap in a piece of
cloth. Along with the money earned from some sort of competition or dancing for
a movie, she shall reach it back to her mother or buy her something. Nothing
makes her happy than to see her mother in a blissful mood.
She
would console her mother, “Ama, don’t be depressed because I am there for you.
Once I complete my studies, I will take the sole responsibility of ensuring you
all a happy life. I mean it and am I not meant for that?” the only response
would be a humble smile accompanied by a simple nod. Despite her mother’s
pretext, she knew how much her heart wept for freedom and happiness.
And now,
she is dwelling in the other part of the world, millions of miles away from her
home. Though out of sight, her mother wasn’t out of her mind. Neither has she
lost the focus in her life. His Majesty the fifth king has emphasized
during the Royal Audience, “Good is not good enough, you should excel” and a
briefing at the Department of Adult and Higher Education outlined, “Your first
priority should be your health and then your studies. If you neglect the
former, you can’t excel in the latter”.
Every
time, she reminds herself of these words, a flash of new energy would splash
through her mind and thrill her heart to motion. With God as the sole guardian
and trustee of her soul, she is determined to move forward in pursuit of
happiness for her mother, her family and her small nation.
